[This post was originally a reply to an email soliciting advice. I’ve edited it to be more general.]
I’m just gonna go ahead and assume many of you have heard the same annoying sentiment I have all my life, that being, “I can’t wait to see the man that’s able to tie you down!” implying that finding him will also be something worth seeing.
I’ve dated a lot of guys who were drawn to the “sassy” factor, but you know when girls date emo kids and bad boys because they want to be the one that changes/saves them? A lot of guys want that, too, but they want to be the one that tames them. When it becomes clear they can’t, those lion tamers peace out. They want to be at the top of the food chain, and the disturbing reality is that they can’t. Some dudes just can’t handle that.
Intimidation can work differently for men. For women, we can readily acknowledge our fears, and all we usually need is a swift kick in the ass to get motivated to tackle what’s ahead. Some guys do it differently. If a guy is intimidated, rather than challenged per se, it can emasculate him, and instead of wanting to grow and explore this problem, some of them turn the source of this “icky feeling” into something they resent and are above in efforts to protect their masculinity.
In short: not all dudes can handle a firecracker.
When you’ve been kicked to the curb for being sexually confident, outspoken, and “sassy,” you’re entitled to sadness, but only because what you perceived turned out not to be real. It’s not heartbreak, it’s hopebreak. If a guy turns out to be a jackass, don’t let your sadness revolve around him. Let it be that you thought you’d found something great, and it turned out not to be. Let that be inspiration to not date the Lion Tamers, but seek out the Tornado Chasers - those who respect you in awe, know the risks, and still put all their cards on the table.
Plus, intimidated dudes can rarely keep it up. Pass.
