Is it worth going out with people who ask you, “if you’re out,” or, “what you’re up to”?
Clearly when you’re smitten, it totally is. This is reinterpreted as, “I would like to create a meaningful relationship with you, are you available to begin this evening?”
Sorry, your interpretation has been checked and categorized as fantasy. But every time I rant about this, my guy friends immediately write me saying they use those phrases and mean them. Let me rant right back by saying, sure you mean them, but why didn’t you pick up the phone and just call the girl? In case of rejection? You pansy.
Someone I’m interested in texted me over the weekend asking me if I was out. I was… in North Carolina. He said something flattering about me being unpredictable, and I replied, “I do my best.” The ball is technically in my court. Which means I should call him tonight asking him if he’s around. I am about to change the context in which we speak. If I want him to call instead of text, I need to set the precedent. Plus, I’m awesome at voicemails. And if you do sly dial, you can skip the potentially awkward conversation and leave a voicemail, putting the ball back in his court.
Dick move, but whatever, all’s fair.
I don’t have a problem with rules and games as long as I know what they are. It’s like beer pong at a new friend’s house. Do bitches blow? Is swatting allowed? I just want to know these things before I mess up my turn and lose the game.
But really - are we REALLY just settling into texting and Facebook messaging each other? Is that it? Is that the new normal? How did everyone let this happen? We’ve gotten to the point that when a guy calls me, I am almost on my knees with sheer gratitude. We’ve made it that easy for them! But I just can’t bring myself to take a guy seriously when he texts me in shorthand. Just can’t do it.
So we’ve extended the list of irritatingly ambiguous phrases to which I will not respond. They now include:
- what are you up to
- you out tonight
- so when are we hanging out?
Be direct or leave me alone. I don’t have the patience for pleasantries. If you insist on texting me, say something like, “hey would you be free to grab drinks tonight around 8 in the East Village?” If I say “ugh, no sorry, too much work,” don’t try again. If I say, “ugh, no sorry, too much work, what about tomorrow?” then you’re in.
It’s very, very simple, you pansy shit.
