Last night I walked to the grocery at dusk. It was just chilly enough to wear a hat, but no gloves. I had an entry I was still working out in my head, so I pretended to tell the story to someone else on my phone while I walked to store, working out the kinks in the story to an audience of none. I still haven’t worked out the kinks, but on the way back from the store, I stopped on the bridge over the creek. The full moon was lined up over the water and nearby traffic was quiet. I leaned on the railing for a while, attempting to tap into some introspection. Aside from mild boy-related agitation, I felt really, really good. And let’s be serious, the mild boy-related agitation was actually kind of enjoyable. At peace, I realized the date. October was ending.
What a month. I want to thank you all for participating in Bold Moves October. In 2009, it was all about hitting on guys. In 2010, it was about changing my life. In 2011, it was about having fun and self-respect. This year, Bold Moves October for me was about faith - faith that things would work out, faith that I was strong enough, faith that if I reached for something bigger, I would get it.
And that’s when I realized it had nothing to do with faith at all.
In passing, I said something to my father about how lucky I’ve been. He cut me off immediately to correct me.
“You’re not lucky. You’re ambitious and friendly and you continually put yourself out there. Maybe luck is a small part, but most of it is just you.”
That is what Bold Moves is about - you can have all the faith and luck in the world, but unless you have goals that you are actively pursuing, you’re never gonna get any happier. It’s hard to avoid the picture that a loving relationship is what ties the knot in your last stitch, but when I set out for an entire month to ambitiously pursue nothing but my own goals, it was difficult to deny how radiantly happy I was on my own.
I’ve still got my fingers crossed for him, but I’ve also got my fingers crossed for bike racing, television writing, and a triumphantly large life because that’s the way I’m wired - I’m a dreamer, a romantic, a narrator, a lyricist, a poet. I write the way I imagine it feels and I feel it the way I imagine it, which is to say, with everything I have.
There’s a day left in Bold Moves October. There are two months left in the making of an enviable year. And then there’s every day for the rest of your life.