It’s September 26, and we are approaching the third annual Bold Moves October. BMO is an initiative intended to give people the confidence to take charge of their own lives and direct their destinies. It’s not about getting the date or the job, it’s about acknowledging that you are worthy of what you desire.
It’s also about letting loose. We follow so many rules when it comes to social etiquette and dating, but sometimes you just need a solid dose of “fuck it” to see what mysteries the world may reveal. So some dude is supposedly out of your league – he’s not going to send your photo to the Times and blast you as desperate if you approach him. (Though please don’t do anything actually desperate because people have been known to send that shit to Gawker.) People are relatively decent and for the most part, are really flattered when someone respectfully shows interest in them. Put on your favorite fuck-me boots and say hi to that gorgeous guy sitting across from you because this is what’s going to happen if you don’t: nothing. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, if a guy rejects you after you approach him, “You didn’t receive an insult, you gave a compliment. Act accordingly.”
But there’s one more aspect of Bold Moves I want you to incorporate this year, and that’s honesty. Just for a month, try saying what you mean. Drop the politeness, and speak the truth. In your tree-house, you can let in who you choose and keep out who irks you. If you don’t agree with someone, explain why. If you think that guy was an asshole, step up in defense. If your date was cool but you’re not into it, just let them know. We’re taught to be so small-mouthed, so polite, so demure, so innocuous. You don’t need to be fearless to stand up for yourself, you need to brave, and being brave is a lot easier when there’s an army behind you. So let’s do this together.
1. Above anything else, remember it’s only 31 days. If you asked me to be bold the rest of my life, I’d call that exhausting and annoying (ignoring that a similar mantra is tattooed on my back). But I can sure as hell guarantee 31 days - especially knowing the 31st day will be spent strutting around in questionable clothes when my boldness is at its peak.
2. Be ready. Get dressed every morning like you’re going to run into your ex. That ex. You can’t have back-up excuses. And just so we’re clear, “I look like shit today” is a total back-up excuse. Plus, there may be some mirror pep talks involved. Gotta be ready to face your fear.
3. Get a Bold Moves friend. You’re going to need support and you’re going to need to be held accountable when you chicken out, coward. Report your failures. Reward each other’s successes.
4. Recognize that the first week of this will be harrowing and the last week will be spiritually enlightening. Deal with it.
It’s not about the target, it’s about you. It’s about learning from rejection rather than shrinking from it. It’s about the numbers, about the odds. It’s about letting go of expectations and embracing them at the same time. It’s about knowing what you want, actually taking the initiative to get it, and refining your approach when you don’t. This isn’t about finding the love of your life, this is about getting the confidence necessary to attract all the things you want in life.
When you see that hottie on the subway, hold eye contact and smile. Slip them your number when you walk out. Have a few scraps of paper with your number and name ready. And don’t say, “but what if he/she calls? What if they’re weird?” Who cares, dude. In case you haven’t noticed, this is actually about you.
Some ideas to get the ball rolling….
- Babe at work? Just say, “want to grab a drink after work?”
- Write an email to that company you’ve been dying over.
- Send the guy at the bar a drink.
- Ask the girl reading your favorite book what she thinks.
- For the love of science, just say hi.
These are your options if you approach: rejection or success.
These are your options if you don’t: regret.
This is a team effort game of Truth or Dare.
The truths: What do you want? What do you deserve? What are you capable of?
The dares: endless.
Send the email. Give the compliment. Say hello. And remember, there’s a whole team behind you. Tag your post #BoldMovesOctober / #BMO. Support one another and challenge each other. As my mother told me every day before school: bold, brilliant, and beautiful equals dangerous. You have 31 days to prove to yourself how fearless you can be. You also have 31 days to prove it to everyone else.
Four days ‘til it starts. Hope you’ve got those shoes shined, because we’re about to do some serious strutting here.