I met a friend at The Owl last night for a beverage. I wanted to go running to pound out what had been a really difficult day to swallow, but I knew I needed a friend. I needed to talk and to laugh and to remember that bad news is often my best motivator.
The bouncer hugged me, told me I looked tanned and happy. 86 was tending bar and waved me to the end to take the last two seats. The drinks kept being poured. I was laughing away the stress, the embarrassment, the lost-at-sea malaise. I tipped him 30% and wrote my phone number on the receipt.
He very well may have a girlfriend, be divorced, never accomplish anything, but it’s all hearsay and the only thing I know is true is how hard it is to breathe when he’s looking at me. Life is about to start moving very quickly, friends, and when you know things are about to change, it makes you pretty shameless.
Remember, it doesn’t matter if they call you - that’s not the point. You need to make the universe aware of what you want, and you need to make yourself believe you deserve these things, and you can actively convince yourself of that by going for it. Who knows if 86 is ever going to be anything to me, who knows if he’s what I’m looking for, but what I know for sure is that I want love, and I’ll do whatever it takes to help that come to me. I don’t believe things happen when you least expect them; I believe things happen when you open your heart and ambitiously pursue the life you imagined. When I close my eyes I can see my life ahead of me. Every day it looks different. But every time it looks amazing.