You’ve been to his apartment. You’ve made out. He’s paid for dinner. You’re what we 20somethings call “dating.” And then, you’re not. You either end up in a relationship or you don’t and more frequently, you don’t, and then you’re stuck with a choice: call it off or Slow Fade.
Let’s talk about the Slow Fade. We’ve all done it. Don’t you look at these typed words and think you’re holier than that. The Slow Fade is the cowardly way of being like, “if I never heard from you again, I would forget you existed in two and a half days.”
Except the Slow Fade would be amazing if it was actually that short. It actually sounds something like this:
I wonder if I should text them. I shouldn’t text them. Did I text them last? Well… I initiated but they replied. That they were busy. But with enthusiasm! Or just… punctuation. Maybe I’ll just be casual and invite them to a concert. Is it casual if they’re meeting all my friends? Should I tell my friends I’m inviting them? Ugh, what if they don’t come and then I associate Miike Snow with my own personal dating failure? I love Miike Snow. Maybe I’ll call them and catch them off guard. Is that fair? I don’t fucking care if it’s fair. Wondering if they’d text for four days isn’t fair either. Didn’t they kiss me last time, too? What the fuck. You can’t kiss me and then ignore me. Who does that!
Oh, right, I’ve done that. And I’ve had that done to me.
Then there’s option two: the phone call. (Don’t you look at me for a second and think that texting or emailing is an option BECAUSE IT ISN’T.) Calling someone feels like this, “you know that magical connection you were hoping for so you could find peace and you could sing from the rooftops that not only were your nethers getting love, but your soul was, too? Well, sorry, my body has rejected you like bad platelets and I’m ejecting you back into the ether - good luck with the suffocating loneliness of knowing I didn’t think you were good enough!”
Yikes, bro. But that’s not what it sounds like. That’s your inner coward trying to convince you that the Slow Fade is the nicer way to go. That’s your little Bad News Bear sitting on your shoulder telling you to be a dick. Don’t do that.
Here is where I advocate lying. I’m never going to call 81 and be like, “yo, I was having a really great time on our dates but you kiss sorta weird and your pheromones smell funny to me.” But I am going to call him. If you have gone on multiple dates, if you have seen them at least once a week, if you are aware that they like you and want to pursue you, then don’t be a dog. Take a shot of tequila if you must, but call them and have a script. ”Hey, I’ve had a great time hanging out but it’s just not there romantically for me and I’d rather just be friends.”
The words people say to you can only hurt you so much, but oh the pains of the warped sense of reality you can inflict on yourself when left wondering. Remember, if you show them that respect, maybe they’ll show that respect to someone else.
TL;DR: don’t be a dick.
