So, going to see your ex, huh? Some people are lucky. The breakup was amiable, people moved on, picket fences/loft apartments for all parties involved. But when you’re going to see someone who broke your heart, someone who lied, cheated, led you on, what have you… you need to be prepared.
1. Know what you’re wearing. This is not the time to try something new. Don’t buy a sexy new dress, don’t flaunt a new shade of lipstick. Put on something you know works. Something you won’t be tugging, adjusting, and writhing in. A true friend will know exactly what you should wear. For me, it’s my blue dress. It says, “I’m a lady, you dimwitted miscreant.”
2. Do not get drunk.
3. Seriously. You might think a few shots of gin will give you courage and turn you into a sexpot, but it will actually just slur your already sure-to-be-awkward choice of words.
4. Easy on the makeup. Highlight with a light bronzer, top lid eyeliner, waterproof mascara, soft gloss. Your natural inclination might be to vamp it up, but you want to look ethereal and sublime… not like a harpy.
5. Have somewhere to be. Make plans with someone else, but NOT someone else you have romantic feelings for. Promise someone you’ll be somewhere post ex-encounter… someone you would feel terrible letting down. I don’t care if you want your ex back, if you want them jealous, or if you want them burned at the stake, you need to leave. Mystery is a potent elixir. Make sure you have it.
6. Have a support buddy. Someone who knows the history, who won’t make a scene, and knows that when your eyes narrow and you start ordering Jameson neat that it is time to escort you to the parking lot before whatever you’re plotting comes to fruition. While movies make it seem cool to have the friend that tosses a drink in your ex’s face, this is so classless and melodramatic that it embarrasses me just to think about.
7. Picture you’re with a guy you’re interested in and his ex comes up to him to say hello. What would make you insecure? If she was wearing a low-cut top, slurring her words, and said something snarky? Or if she was graceful, elegant, said a friendly hellohowareyou and then left to join her friends? Be the latter.
Hate and insecurity are both terribly unattractive. No one kneels before the cowardly. If you want them begging, be something worth begging for.
