How to Ensure You Do Not Get a Second Date: Hold very still when the bills comes. Choose not to remember you invited me on the date. Smile at me like you know what’s about to come out of your mouth. Shrug as you says, “I only brought ten dollars, but you’ve got that big girl job so you probably don’t care.” Also, tell me that I don’t know what bit torrents are because I’m a girl. I love when people say that.
How to Get a Girl to Cancel a Date: call her Missy, Miss Sass, and continue to call her this after she politely asks you to stop. Prompt her several times to make plans, when she does, ignore her for days. Text her the day of plans at 3:30 asking when she gets off, when she immediately replies, ignore her for four hours before she gets tired of this ridiculous game and makes something up about having to work late. Respond, “sorry sweety, I’m working late, too.”
How to Ace It Like a God Damned Pro: text me the day before to confirm the plans with the place and time. Text me the day-of an hour before the date saying you’re running a bit late, but “go ahead and order a beer because the tab’s on me - that’s what I get for being late.” Order the appetizer I like in addition to the one you like so we’re both happy. Listen, engage, laugh, be kind, make plans for the next date, pay the check, put me in a taxi, kiss me at my door, say goodnight and get in the cab.
81: bearded, blue-eyed fellow from OkCupid - works in production. My mom has taken to calling him Mr. Smokin’ because the boy is fine.
I see him again tomorrow.
