Here is the expansive list of every number, because I can’t keep them straight anymore either.
1: the Russian who cancelled the date and moved away, which is probably a good thing because his accent was too thick to understand
2: the bouncer who accidentally slept with Babs not knowing we were friends
3: ex-boyfriend from 10th grade who remains one of my most loyal and trusted friends.
4: the hipster chef with the ironic tattoos that valiantly tried to get me on a date, but I just never committed to plans because really? You have a tattoo of Where The Wild Things Are? I’m not that hip.
5: One of Miami’s friends who I met up with while Miami was in Peru. He was wildly unremarkable, and I think he felt the same of me.
6: Some dude that tried to get me to take his number, but I gave him his business card back with my number on it because PLEASE that’s not my style. He never called because apparently that’s not his style.
7: The roommate I swore I’d never have feelings for, became best friends with, hooked up with, humiliated me by drunkenly kissing my neck and denying he had a girlfriend, and then tried to rekindle our friendship in NYC. It did not work.
8: The first boy I hooked up with after I got dumped in November 2009, had a tumor, and basically lost my mojo.
9: The friend of a friend who took me horseback riding, but I just wasn’t feeling. He tried the old trick of inviting himself over to make dinner and I actually told him, “I have no cookware and nothing to sit on,” and he still didn’t get it.
10: A strapping lad who was pure Ivy League and approached me at a bus stop saying he couldn’t let me pass without at least telling me I was beautiful. We remain friends, but rarely hang out.
11: My friend, former lover, and former captain. I love him. In all the best ways and none of the ways that hurt. Such a fantastic person.
12: A friend from high school who popped up in my city after years of not speaking. A prepster at heart, but a nice dude overall.
13: Nice guy I met at a bar. We attempted to be friends, but really, we both already had enough friends.
14: The kid I robbed and Veronica had to rescue me from his apartment. His receptionist later referred to me coyly as the “sexy little redheaded thief” when I returned his keys, wallet, and phone.
15: A man who seemed to have music contacts, but really just wanted to bang.
16: The night I lost my phone and played video games at some dude’s house all night and just cuddled with this kid.
17: The dude Jocelyn was hoping I’d hit it off with, and despite many run-ins, there was never a connection.
18: The cross-continental scientist who fell in love via email after a work conference. I made him cancel his second trip. I have never once regretted that.
19: Shattered my ego and my heart when out of the blue, he just stopped speaking to me. We had just spent Thanksgiving together. He later contacted me (5 months later… after we found out the tumor was benign and it had been removed) to ask me how I was. It was my turn to shatter him with my response, and I did.
20 & 21: Friends who got both my number and a friends and who were never successful with either of us. They were mildly creepy and I was bored.
22: Just another dude funny enough to get my number and never hear from me again.
23: A man who seemed to have music contacts, but really just wanted to bang.
24: Textual affair lingering from college. Awesome guy who I’ve made out with once and still count as a great friend. The girl that marries him will be lucky.
25: Went on a date after meeting him at a bar. This was the date where I pretended to be vegan, talked about girly shit, and was in general really annoying because he was TERRIBLE.
June 2010/July 2010
26: The hipster musician I fell in love with and dated and even contemplated moving to Nashville for, but who ended up going total bonkers and dragging me into his former problems. You cannot douse my light. I broke his heart.
27: He was one of Cosmo’s sexiest bachelors a few years back. He’s really hot, but when I ran into him being a beer promoter at a gay bar, I stopped answering his calls.
28: We dated over the span of two months and he wouldn’t have sex with me. My mom thinks he’s impotent. My friends think he’s gay. I just think he’s weird.
29: Rose’s valiant attempt to set me up with one of her boyfriend’s friends. Splat. Long sleeves under T-shirts? 90’s. Finding out those long-sleeves are simply attached to the t-shirt and there’s no real long sleeve underneath? I shudder.
30: One of my friends who made out of with me at a party, slept over one night, found out about the blog, and I haven’t seen since. We are friends, right?
31: What a lovely kid. So nice. So nothing there. When I told him about my life he basically looked at me like I was an astronaut.
32: Friend of a friend who I run into in New York more frequently than either of us would like.
33: Some uniform douchebag who just ticked me off for thinking being a tech geek was really unattractive.
34: One of CollegeEx’s friends from school who tried to get in my pants… but I never stray into CollegeEx territory. Never. Just in case.
35: Good dude. Grabbed a couple drinks. Think he’s gay and doesn’t know it. He did have a nice house.
36: The kid who went to get the condom before my shirt was off. That’s when I left.
37: Another blogger. Flirty emails, texts, and gasp! photos, and now we’re bros.
38: The extreme prepster with the tweed wallpaper and the slammin’ bod. Yowza.
39: Guy who tried to date one of my friends last year, failed. One of his friends tried to date me, failed. Surely that must have been a signal that us getting each other’s numbers would lead to true love?!?! No.
40: Lead singer of a pretty good touring band who I have still yet to meet up with despite a slew of texts.
41: My girl Mega. Making out with girls in dark corners is sort of a hobby at this point.
42: Irish. Rolling. Guitar player. Who I will never hear from again.
43: The sexy rocket scientist from LA who left me bruised for a week. He has visited New York, but we’re just friends, and I’m keeping it that way.
44: bumbling fool of a boy who called me twice and texted me three times the first night he got my number. Alcohol is not an excuse.
45: The charming brunette who reacted in a not charming manner to hearing about the tumor. It’s a shame, because he was a cutey. (He’s engaged now! But still sends the occasional “how are you” - not cool, bro!)
46: Just some guy at some event who got my number and never used it. Blah blah blah.
47: The out-of-my-league OkCupid date that never happened because BAM I got a job in NYC.
48: The only single dude to match my “only single girl” status at a friend’s wedding. Successful, wealthy, and living in NYC. We periodically get together and talk big about our dreams, but we aren’t interested in dating.
49: the other Tumblr blogger who offered to host my cat while I hunted for an apartment in NYC and ended up getting more than he bargained for.
50: some poor schlep at a bar who offered to buy me a drink and in return, got my number. But nothing will ever happen. I hate that boys are learning this, but how am I supposed to say no?
51: a 22 year old wearing Hollister wearing one earring who claimed to play for the MLS. THAT is how far a British accent will get you.
52: My friend Greg who is showing me the city one drinking establishment at a time… and who I made out with. Details, details. (Also, my London host! What a gem!)
53: met at an LES bar where he hesitantly admitted he had music industry connects and might be able to hook me up. If he’s anything like everyone else who has said this, he’s just trying to get into my pants. Sigh.
54: one of Wife’s friends from college who’s a bit dorky, but a whole bit adorable. Went home with me for some first-base only fun.
55: fellow ad junky, garbed in flannel. Strawberry-blonde, 29, and a friend of a friend. I had a big ole crush on him first when I met him sober in daylight hours. Progress!
56: my first OkCupid date with a guy who was “from” as many places as I am, was misrepresented by the art of photography, and didn’t drink.
57: very funny and athletic, 30 years old. Confessed his feelings for me after a night of football. Magical kiss. Bizarre breakup. Great post-dating friendship.
58: Aussie bartender covered in tats. Good for a drink and a smile.
59: The Jeopardy smart knock-out from OkCupid who was really too intimidating to seriously consider.
60: medium height, thicker muscular build, brown frothy hair. Going to grad school in New York, but met him on a weekend in DC. From all social indications, affluent and distant.
61: dud of an OkCupid date, nice guy but talked about himself the entire time and had a Neanderthal forehead
62: the OkCupid 6’7” giant that ended up being my hiking guide
63: Friends With Iffy Benefits, keeping it secret and casual, and very sparse - eventually turning into one of my closest non-hookup friends.
64: 5’9”, works in advertising, has a house in New Jersey… according to OkCupid. In actuality, 64 was 5’7”, an intern, and lives with his grandma.
65: the OkCupid date who was a personal trainer, kissed me magically only to never be seen again, ehh sometimes it’s them, sometime’s it’s you
66: tall, Canadian, adorable, former Degrassi actor in a band I went to see who fawned over me being the “quintessential New York girl”
67: the writer who lives in the communal artist space but has a knack for witty texts and perseverance. It had to be basically spelled out we wouldn’t happen.
68: the uber-hip DJ/filmmaker from the Nolita bar, too pompous for his own knickers
69: another DJ who we partied ‘til dawn with in Meatpacking and let me stay at his place, equipped with a feline
70: 6’6”, lanky, clever ginger. Freelancing at my company on another team. Met through friends and hung out a few times before I just told him to his face I liked him. I flew to Europe and came back with a different opinion.
71: Filipino, cut, incredible musician, wildly ambitious graphic designer I met at an audition. We make music together now, but only music!
72: Tall, Cuban gentleman sipping scotch in the back of the club. Approached me with the type of confidence not seen in white men. Being dashing caused me to give him my phone number. Living in Union City, NJ made me wish I hadn’t
73: drunken makeout session after the India v. England cricket match with a friend of 52’s.
74: a Queen’s English brit taking a break in Edinburgh. He kissed me again and again. And again. In an old Scottish dungeon, in an alley, in the hostel stairwell, etc.
75: the comedy heckler who embarrassed the living daylights out of me, but was one hell of a kisser
76: blonde (not my usual type), British, and well-mannered. I’ve known him since December. Every time 52 is in town, I see 76. Also a friend of 37’s.
77: a blast from the past - we went ten years without seeing each other only to be stunned when we did.
78: the big time sports photographer who helped me move
79: the 42 year old creative director who just broke the age rule and reminded me why I had that rule (if you could have fathered me, the answer is no.)
80: the former Marine with a heart of gold and a mind of Government Classified Brainwashing
81: the OKCupid date who made it three rounds but eventually fell off for a pheromone mismatch
82: a friend of mine, scruffy and witty and devil-may-care
83: a guy who within ten minutes of meeting him introduced me to his entire family
84: the punk I karaoke battled with at an industry party, who kissed and never called.. just like I said he wouldn’t
85: the OkCupid date who walked up to me and said, “you didn’t have a nose ring in your pictures”
86: bartender at “The Owl” with suspected lady friend, rumored ex-wife, and the best chemistry I’ve had in months
87: the existentialist with the most unintentionally funny music video I have ever seen who asked me “how my spirit had evolved”
88: another bartender/actor at “The Owl” who took me to a play that made me burst into hysterical tears
89: tan and 6’2” with Hugh Grant hair and azure eyes. He was also Australian. My New York goodbye.
90: tall, athletic in a linebacker way, goofy and very… popular. Also, younger.
91: bartender at local swanky cocktail bar - beautiful and knows it
92: graying and interrogating OkCupid date who would make a better poli-sci professors than boyfriend
93: friend of a friend with similar stylish inklings who described to me to a mutual friend as “the most badass chick” he’d ever met
94: a bearded designer with fresh hip-hop kicks and the balls to ask me out in front of all of my friends
95: an OkCupid suitor who asked me out, but I never responded. Then I ran into him at a bar and we drunkenly agreed to go rock-climbing
96: another OkCupid date with a thoughtful soul and craftsman’s hands
97: the waiter with the girlfriend, mutually starry-eyed and distant
98: the OkCupid ganja-grower who spent a Friday night in the ER with me
99: the friend of a friend who passed out at my apartment, tried to sneak out, and then confessed via text he had a girlfriend
100: the bearded entrepreneur my former boss set me up with
101: that punk about town I couldn’t stand, but my friends thought was perfect for me
102: good friend with a firework kiss
103: the Ding-Date-Ditch who I cornered into a grown-up apology