Bold Moves October originated in DC in 2009 with my dear friend Stella. Both educated, spirited, beautiful young women, we were tired of sitting around waiting for fate, destiny, Prince Charming, and the legion of other life-altering fantasies to find us. DC is not a magical city. If we wanted fireworks and butterflies and sunrises, we were going to have to get them ourselves. Enough idling, enough pouting, enough thinking we deserved something amazing without doing anything to deserve it. We needed to act.
75% of the questions this blog receives are about how to pick up guys, how to flirt, how to be confident, how to get dressed in the morning and face this bleak existence where we lay across the tracks waiting to be swooped before our mothers start questioning our sexuality, whatever, etc., you get it. Everyone wants to know how to get everyone else.
Vulnerability, failure, rejection, humiliation. Fester in those for a moment, because those are the only things that stop us. Cover letters, first approaches, try-outs, practicing, all smeared with excuses so we can avoid the real risk ahead. But that risk, that chance of suffering, is only a conjured emotion, entirely self-inflicted. You didn’t get the job? It’s your choice to feel like a failure rather than choosing to be proud that you even applied. So let’s do this together. This is an opportunity to feel sexy, confident, and unstoppable… it just takes a little feeling nervous to get there.
1. Above anything else, remember it’s only 31 days. If you asked me to be bold the rest of my life, I’d call that exhausting and annoying (ignoring that a similar mantra is tattooed on my back). But I can sure as hell guarantee 31 days - especially knowing the 31st day will be spent strutting around in questionable clothes when my boldness is at its peak.
2. Be ready. Get dressed every morning like you’re going to run into your ex. That ex. You can’t have back-up excuses, and “I look like shit today” is a total back-up excuse. Plus, there may be some mirror pep talks involved. Gotta be ready to face your fear.
3. Get a Bold Moves friend. You’re going to need support and you’re going to need to be held accountable when you chicken out, coward. Report your failures. Reward each other’s successes.
4. Recognize that the first week of this will be harrowing and the last week will be spiritually enlightening. Deal with it.
So here’s how it works. Instead of pining and swooning and ogling, I want you to do something. I want you to do something every day that puts you out of your comfort zone. I want you to approach.
I’m sure a lot of you read that and think, “okay sassy pants, maybe that works for you but…,” BUT NOTHING. All you’re afraid of is being humiliated, and humiliation is something you choose to feel. I’m not asking you to walk up to Ryan Gosling when he’s surrounded by models, I’m just asking you to say hi to the guy buying the same cereal. First go is going to be scary as shit for those of you unpracticed in boldness. But this is a snowball effect. This is you gaining confidence and seeing yourself in a new light. Sure you’re a very unique snowflake, but you’re not very noticeable ‘til you snowball into someone’s face.
And remember, this isn’t about finding the love of your life, this is about getting the confidence necessary to attract all the things you want in life.
When you see that hot guy on the subway, hold eye contact and smile. Slip him your number when you walk out. Have a few scraps of paper with your number and name ready. And don’t say, “but what if he calls? What if he’s weird?” Who cares, dude. In case you haven’t noticed, this isn’t totally about him.
Hottie at work? Just say, “want to grab a drink after work?”
Send the guy at the bar a drink.
Say, “hey handsome,” when you walk by a stud. We get cat-called all the god damned time, who says we can’t return the ‘favor’?
These are your options if you approach: rejection or success.
These are your options if you don’t: regret.
Trust me, even if the guy isn’t into you, he’ll admire your chutzpah.
You have 31 days to prove to yourself how fearless you can be. You also have 31 days to prove it to everyone else. If you pull off something particularly bodacious, submit it to firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll feature you in the blog. You can follow my month of anxiety here and on Twitter @datebynumbers.
As my mother told me every day before school: bold, brilliant, and beautiful equals dangerous.