Bandanas on our heads like it’s ‘93.
This is a personal weblog. The opinions expressed here represent my own and not those of my employer. My opinions are subject to change. I reserve the right to argue with myself later on down the line when I've learned a lesson or two.
Bandanas on our heads like it’s ‘93.
Anonymous said: I know you used to run a lot, now that you bike a ton would you say you've noticed any changes to your body?
Well, let’s first acknowledge there is an inherent difference between the following situations:
partying until 3 am with drugs and booze, sleeping ‘til noon, eating leftover pizza for breakfast, going for a seven mile run until it feels like all the alcohol has left your bloodstream
eating pasta and salad, drinking water, going to sleep at 10 pm, waking up at 6 am to ride a bike for 60 miles with two water bottles (with nutrients) and several small snacks to sustain energy
The changes in my body aren’t really from cycling so much as they are from just taking care of myself.
And look, I’d be happily still getting smashed at the bar with my friends but unfortunately my body decided some time last year that now if I have more than two alcoholic beverages, I am throwing up the next day whether I like it or not. My hangovers got so brutal that I just kind of… stopped drinking. At least compared to the American binge way I used to.
Also, I moved to LA. I don’t know if you guys have checked into the LA stereotypes lately, but I wear workout leggings as pants now. I drink smoothies like water.
I’m a culture chameleon. I assimilate quickly.
If you guys have questions about stuff related to the actual nitty-gritty of my cycling routine, please feel free to ask at bikesandcats. None of us need DBN turning into some weird fitspo blog, you know?
I’m basically crying this song is so good.
My whole life got better after listening to this for 30 seconds.
We met on a sunny day but it doesn’t count because they’re all sunny. When it rains here, it feels like an outdoor shower on vacation, voyeuristic and exotic, both clean and dirty, like something you can roll in. But it was sunny the day we met. I remember the look on his face when I walked into the bar because it felt like I was supposed to remember it. He looked uncomfortable and surprised. He looked like I do now.
This was dating in New York.
Anonymous said: When a guy texts you he loves you but nobody said anything or brought up the subject, and you know he wasn't drunk, what do you do? It's been three months since the text so...
Just laughed out loud at my desk.
I mean…. it’s been three months and neither of you has said anything?Am I missing a piece of the puzzle here? You just let that little truth bomb float into the ether and then crystallize onto your screen, staring at it day after day, thinking, “well huh, that was weird.”
After three months, what can you do? Let the poor chap forget it ever happened at this point - I can guarantee you he’s worried about that text more than you have.
Three months… I love you guys.
Anonymous said: Met guy at work n we spent the entire day chatting. He kept asking random questions about my life, what I like to do, etc. Other people working w us noticed the "vibe" too so I'm not delusional. I've worked w him since w same experience. I'm not very bold with men n usually wait for them to ask me out. BUT I went for it n I threw out a "if u ever want hang lmk". He said "Ok yea def, I'll let you know" but never asked for a number. I may work w him again, do I give up n assume hes not into it?
…are you into him?
You’ve dissected whether or not he may or may not be into you… but do you even like this kid? Do you want to go out with him for any reason other than his vague display of interest?
Because if you do, fuck it! Ask him out! “Do you want to get drinks this Friday?” And if he says, “I can’t, but maybe some other time,” then he’s not interested. But if he says yes, or perhaps “I can’t Friday, but what about Saturday?” then maybe you’ve got something.
There is the very real possibility that this man has a girlfriend. Or is chicken-shit. Or figures that he’ll see you soon so doesn’t need to rush it. Or just has zero clue what he’s doing. You already threw one card out on the table, what’s the harm in throwing another?
Go out there and get what you want, god damnit! It’s the ’90s!
Anyway, you can ask him out.
Anonymous said: Hi there, I absolutely love you and your advice is always spot on and I kinda need some right now. One of my very best friends is a guy, we've known each other about two years now. We tell each other practically everything, I trust him implicitly we've even kissed a few times (we were drunk). I'm not sure how he thinks about me but how do you tell if you love someone more than as a best friend?
Oh honey bear. Honey, honey, honey bear.
Only once did I fall for a friend, and whew, what a disaster that was! And a few times, I wondered about another close friend… would we be good as partners? We’d kissed a few times, too, but over the years, that occasional wonder was just that: curiosity. It wasn’t love, it wasn’t anything. It was just knowing a good one and wondering if he was my one, when he wasn’t.
In my experience, falling in love with your best friend doesn’t often feel like curiosity, it feels like “oh fucking shit, no, no, no, no, not happening, not in love with them, please god don’t let me be in love with them.” It’s like starting to sniffle two days before vacation. “NOT NOW, GOD DAMNIT.”
It doesn’t sound like you’re under the crushing pressure of realization, but more like you have this person who seemingly checks all the boxes of boyfriend material, and you’re kind of wondering if you should also check “spark”. The “spark” irritates some people as a concept, but it’s really important to me. If my body isn’t like, “I need this” then it’s pretty hard for me to develop a connection beyond friendship. Is that an important thing to you, that feeling? If it is, don’t force it because he contextually makes the most sense. If that spark shows up, you won’t need a blogger to tell you it’s there. You’ll feel it like a slap in the face.
But if “spark” isn’t a thing for you, if you’re a slow-burn, then maybe consider the following: do you want to wrap up in him? make him dinner? cheer him on when he’s high and carry him when he’s low? do you want to stay in and talk movies when you could be out with friends? does his laugh make you want to smile? do his fears make you want to be brave? is sitting quietly with him better than sitting anywhere with anyone else?
Things to consider.
Anonymous said: First, i love you and the blog, even though I don't really know you. Thank you for sharing so much of your life with us. I recently made a bold move in moving 1000 miles to a new town (knowing no one) to accept a great job opportunity. And partly to get away from some negative things that I needed to leave in the past. The job is good, but the town I moved to is not so great. It's in between a small town and big city, and making friends has been way harder than I imagined. Advice, big sister?
So, let’s be for real, making friends is basically dating. You need to put yourself out there, not be afraid to make the first move, maybe do some things you wouldn’t normally do, wonder why they didn’t call, text and wait for texts back, have a really great time and wonder if calling them the next day is too soon… I mean, I’ve lived in LA for almost 8 months now (what!) and I’m still “making friends.”
But! In recognizing that making friends is like dating, it will enable you to try some weird shit and not be quite so intimidated.
Things I have done in attempts to meet/make friends (that actually worked):
And like I said, eight months after moving to LA, I’m still being weird and dorky, trying to get people to hang out with me. I don’t have a “group” of friends I can rely on to hang out with, just one here, one there, couple over there, a few in Silver Lake because that might as well be New Jersey it’s so far away, and I’m still kind of wondering who I’m gonna hang out with every weekend.
It’s hard out there for an adult.
But a little vulnerability and a whole lot of “please hang out with me” will go a long way.