Anonymous asked: I never feel like I belong anywhere I go. Do you have any advice for finding the place where I do fit?
There’s an Ani DiFranco lyric that’s always brought me confidence, “I have the kind of beauty that moves.”
I like to think I’ve got the kind of soul that moves, too. It’s not meant to fit; it’s meant to flux and fill, but not fit.
When I lived on Virgin Gorda, they called the people born there belongers. I didn’t belong, but that’s what made it incredible. The places you don’t belong are the ones most worth exploring.
It’s in my nature to line with silver the things that have caused me strife, but I think it’s a gift to not belong. It can be hard and it can be lonely, but it can also be an adventure. Flux and fill, my love, in all the places you might belong and especially the places you don’t.
3:59 pm • 6 March 2014 • 63 notes
Anonymous asked: I hooked up with a guy and I thought it would only be a ONS (I was okay with it), but then he suggested we should hang out again. We went out with my friend group in the city. Had a lot of fun, he was super friendly, hugged me in front of people etc. and then we want back to my place and hooked up again. He texted the following day to ask what my night plans were but then when I texted back he never followed up. It's been 2 weeks since then. Classic slow fade? UGH. I liked him.
I wouldn’t call that a classic slow fade. This is more enjoying a glass of wine only to have a fly land in it and tossing the whole thing out. You are the wine - science only knows what the fly was, but rest easy, the fly lays with him, not you.
And, my dear, you did not like him; you liked the possibility that there might be something brewing. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: that’s not heartbreak, that’s hopebreak, and hope is something you grow on your own.
As my father once said, toss him out like the used tissue he is.
3:34 pm • 6 March 2014 • 52 notes
Anonymous asked: My bf of 2 years broke up with me, under the premise that he needed to 'grow alone.' Two weeks later, I met this gorgeous guy who I can talk to for hours and is so crazy about me. Crazy to the point of telling me that he will 'wait' for me to get over my ex, that he wants to be there for the entire 'healing process.' My ex and I still love each other, and I wonder if it was selfish of me to have moved on so quickly, and whether it is possible to get over him when you're under someone else?
1. Love waits for no one.
2. Timing’s a bitch.
They’re cliches for a reason. Do not pass up on joy because you think you owe something to misery.
3:29 pm • 6 March 2014 • 71 notes
Anonymous asked: You once posted on your blog a quote that I loved that I can't really remember and I have been trying to find it for a friend. "Don't say thank you to someone for calling the ambulance when they are the one who hit you with a bus." That wasn't it exactly but it was along those lines. Can you share that again? I know some people that need to hear it... me included. I am 32 and read, me and my friends love your tumblr. You have a way with words and expressing how so many people are feeling!
Hah, you’re thinking of this quote. I’m glad it spoke to you!
3:08 pm • 28 February 2014 • 8 notes
Anonymous asked: Please crash this pity party. I turn 25 in 3 months. Freaking out. Nowhere near where I want to be in life and don't even wanna celebrate cause I feel ashamed to to draw attention to my age when it also flags how little I've accomplished.
You’re not freaking out, you’re being a coward.
You’re not where you want to be in life? Then do something about it. Celebrate the fact that you have a chance to, that you have passions and dreams, and that you have an Internet connection and education.
You know who else isn’t where they want to be in life? Everyone.
I have days I am grateful. Days when my bike and my cat and my friends and my family and my man and my apartment are all I could ever need. But I have days when sunshine feels like an interrogation lamp and the pressure to be something better feels like it’s melting your skin off. The higher you climb, the smaller a foot feels. So you pick up the pace, you find new mountains, you find new challenges.
But your birthday isn’t a challenge. Turning 25 isn’t a challenge. Turning 25 is a gift and you’re looking it in the mouth. You know what accomplishments take? Time, effort, ambition, and ugly, sloppy failures. They’re not built on pity and what-could-have-been’s, they are built on the sheer will to become the person you want to be, they are built on overcoming adversity and setbacks. They are built on rejected submissions and failed concepts, on rough drafts and countless revisions, they are built on early mornings and late nights. They are not built on arbitrary birthdays.
Maybe I’m being mean. Maybe it’s because I wish someone had been meaner to me. Maybe it’s because a hug and a pat on the head won’t get you anywhere. Maybe because telling you to relax is just telling you to give up. Maybe because the only one who can get you somewhere is you. Maybe because the audacious idea that you should be somewhere by 25 speaks more to your ego than your abilities, and that if you’re going to make such claims, you need to go out and prove you were right to make them in the first place.
Maybe it’s because I’m not where I want to be either, and on a Friday when the skies are ripping apart, when you can smell spring on the horizon, when life looks like it might start over, we all need someone to tell us to get out of bed and do something with our lives.
Go ahead and write the invitation to your birthday party:
Thus far I have accomplished none of the things I have wanted in life. Please, come celebrate as we put to bed my shame and self-disappointment and instead, begin to hold me accountable, for in this great 25th year, I am going to ambitiously pursue the following:
And then list everything you ever expected of yourself. Because the first thing you need to learn on the road to accomplishing your dreams is that you can’t be afraid to make a fool of yourself in the process.
2:32 pm • 28 February 2014 • 88 notes
Anonymous asked: Kelton, you are my tumblr queen. And now I need your advice. I've been dating a guy for nearly 2 months, and though we became intimate quickly, we just recently had sex. Now, nearly a week after, he hasn't contacted me. I'm not an idiot, and I can read the writing on the wall. But seriously? I THOUGHT we had chemistry and got along great, but now I'm feeling... Blah. I know, I know--he's not worth my time, better suitors exist. But I liked him, and now feel used. Words of wisdom?
You don’t need words of wisdom, and you don’t need advice. What you need is a glass of wine and a solid night of bitching with your friends.
You played by the rules, you did what you were told by magazines and blogs and TV, and you fell for a guy who ding-date-ditched. That’s a pile of crap. That’s some straight up fist-shaking at the sky bullshit. And you can bet your proper-punctuating-ass that you’re gonna feel used, feel played, but you know what? Good. Get a little angry. Get a lot feisty. Get a whole truckload of proud.
I get a lot of submissions. There are 1400 unanswered questions in my ask box right now. And 28% are about some person that just disappeared off the face of the Earth. This is bullshit, and don’t any of you ever dare do this, because it’s mean and classless.
And I’ve done it before. You know why? Because I was chicken-shit. Is that a quality you want in a lover? In a friend? In a colleague? I don’t even want my rivals to be cowards because then where is the challenge?
There’s this onslaught of casual disregard, like the ease at which we can access each other has made it that much easier to discard one another. We’ve divided our days into the smallest increments of attention, making every second we spend outside propagating our own self-worth a fucking waste and it’s pathetic. People show up months, years later feeling entitled to some modicum of your time, because a modicum is all they were willing to spend to garner it. Fuck that. Fuck them. Fuck anyone who thinks that your time, your feelings, your life is something they can disregard.
Regard it. Regard their cowardice. Regard your self-worth. And feel better.
12:14 pm • 28 February 2014 • 69 notes
Anonymous asked: Help! Literally ran into my ex after years of silence. Did not know we even lived in the same new city. It was a little awkward but cordial. But now he's e-mailed me to get lunch, I imagine just as friends. Am I bitter for not being interested? Is my hesitance a sign that I am not over him? Are people capable of moving on without owing the past some small talk? Is friendship the default when the pain and romance is over? What should I say to him without sounding cold or immature?
Am I bitter for not being interested?
Is my hesitance a sign that I am not over him?
Are people capable of moving on without owing the past some small talk?
Is friendship the default when the pain and romance is over?
What should I say to him without sounding cold or immature?
My calendar is pretty tied up, but best of luck at blah blah blah! Hope you’re enjoying City We Live In. - Your Name
About a week ago, 26 emailed me saying he was in town, suggesting we meet up. I replied, “Focusing on training and deadlines right now. Have a nice stay in LA.”
Learn to say no whenever you want. It’s empowering. And it’s awesome. And then let it go.
11:16 am • 28 February 2014 • 50 notes