Anonymous asked: I will be seeing a guy tonight who I have a bit of a thing for and asked out a few days ago. While he didn't say 'no' he didn't really say 'yes.' Got any encouraging words to boost my confidence and avoid awkwardness?
You had the courage to ask him out. You already have more confidence than most people. Bask in the glory of your fearlessness. And if it’s awkward, so what?
4:38 pm • 6 March 2014 • 8 notes
Anonymous asked: I spent the past 7 months job searching and applying to more companies than I can count. It's been months of nonstop worrying, and continuous applying. Failed one job interview. I feel defeated now, I don't know how much more my self-esteem can take. I feel worthless, not good enough for a job. Please help me pick myself back up.
Sigh, it’s hard to garner esteem when the stakes are high, isn’t it?
The unfortunate part about jobs, at least in the industries I’m well-acquainted with, is that it usually takes some degree of privilege and connections to acquire them. It’s like singing: hustle gets you further than talent ever will. And let that lesson speak to your worth. You are not worthless. You might be poorly connected, but you are not worthless. You have value. And it grows increasingly difficult to show people that when you are continually shut down.
Are you able to apply to another job? Are you able to request informational interviews? Are you able to take a job you are over-qualified for while you search for another? The answer is yes to all of these whether you like it or not, and that “yes” means you are not defeated. You’re beaten, you’re tired, and you’re fragile, but you’re not defeated.
Forget about your self-esteem. Jobs are not at the top of Maslow’s Hierarchy. They’re pretty much at the bottom as they are gateways to providing food and shelter. This isn’t about self-actualization, this is a hunt. Get out of your head and go through the motions over and over. It’s been a long winter for you. You’re not defeated, you’re hungry.
Eat well, exercise, go to bed early. Easy on the booze, hard on the resumés. You’re simply in training for what’s going to be a lifelong marathon. And training is supposed to be hard.
4:31 pm • 6 March 2014 • 31 notes
Anonymous asked: I never feel like I belong anywhere I go. Do you have any advice for finding the place where I do fit?
There’s an Ani DiFranco lyric that’s always brought me confidence, “I have the kind of beauty that moves.”
I like to think I’ve got the kind of soul that moves, too. It’s not meant to fit; it’s meant to flux and fill, but not fit.
When I lived on Virgin Gorda, they called the people born there belongers. I didn’t belong, but that’s what made it incredible. The places you don’t belong are the ones most worth exploring.
It’s in my nature to line with silver the things that have caused me strife, but I think it’s a gift to not belong. It can be hard and it can be lonely, but it can also be an adventure. Flux and fill, my love, in all the places you might belong and especially the places you don’t.
3:59 pm • 6 March 2014 • 61 notes
Anonymous asked: I hooked up with a guy and I thought it would only be a ONS (I was okay with it), but then he suggested we should hang out again. We went out with my friend group in the city. Had a lot of fun, he was super friendly, hugged me in front of people etc. and then we want back to my place and hooked up again. He texted the following day to ask what my night plans were but then when I texted back he never followed up. It's been 2 weeks since then. Classic slow fade? UGH. I liked him.
I wouldn’t call that a classic slow fade. This is more enjoying a glass of wine only to have a fly land in it and tossing the whole thing out. You are the wine - science only knows what the fly was, but rest easy, the fly lays with him, not you.
And, my dear, you did not like him; you liked the possibility that there might be something brewing. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: that’s not heartbreak, that’s hopebreak, and hope is something you grow on your own.
As my father once said, toss him out like the used tissue he is.
3:34 pm • 6 March 2014 • 52 notes
Anonymous asked: My bf of 2 years broke up with me, under the premise that he needed to 'grow alone.' Two weeks later, I met this gorgeous guy who I can talk to for hours and is so crazy about me. Crazy to the point of telling me that he will 'wait' for me to get over my ex, that he wants to be there for the entire 'healing process.' My ex and I still love each other, and I wonder if it was selfish of me to have moved on so quickly, and whether it is possible to get over him when you're under someone else?
1. Love waits for no one.
2. Timing’s a bitch.
They’re cliches for a reason. Do not pass up on joy because you think you owe something to misery.
3:29 pm • 6 March 2014 • 71 notes
Anonymous asked: You once posted on your blog a quote that I loved that I can't really remember and I have been trying to find it for a friend. "Don't say thank you to someone for calling the ambulance when they are the one who hit you with a bus." That wasn't it exactly but it was along those lines. Can you share that again? I know some people that need to hear it... me included. I am 32 and read, me and my friends love your tumblr. You have a way with words and expressing how so many people are feeling!
Hah, you’re thinking of this quote. I’m glad it spoke to you!
3:08 pm • 28 February 2014 • 8 notes
Anonymous asked: Please crash this pity party. I turn 25 in 3 months. Freaking out. Nowhere near where I want to be in life and don't even wanna celebrate cause I feel ashamed to to draw attention to my age when it also flags how little I've accomplished.
You’re not freaking out, you’re being a coward.
You’re not where you want to be in life? Then do something about it. Celebrate the fact that you have a chance to, that you have passions and dreams, and that you have an Internet connection and education.
You know who else isn’t where they want to be in life? Everyone.
I have days I am grateful. Days when my bike and my cat and my friends and my family and my man and my apartment are all I could ever need. But I have days when sunshine feels like an interrogation lamp and the pressure to be something better feels like it’s melting your skin off. The higher you climb, the smaller a foot feels. So you pick up the pace, you find new mountains, you find new challenges.
But your birthday isn’t a challenge. Turning 25 isn’t a challenge. Turning 25 is a gift and you’re looking it in the mouth. You know what accomplishments take? Time, effort, ambition, and ugly, sloppy failures. They’re not built on pity and what-could-have-been’s, they are built on the sheer will to become the person you want to be, they are built on overcoming adversity and setbacks. They are built on rejected submissions and failed concepts, on rough drafts and countless revisions, they are built on early mornings and late nights. They are not built on arbitrary birthdays.
Maybe I’m being mean. Maybe it’s because I wish someone had been meaner to me. Maybe it’s because a hug and a pat on the head won’t get you anywhere. Maybe because telling you to relax is just telling you to give up. Maybe because the only one who can get you somewhere is you. Maybe because the audacious idea that you should be somewhere by 25 speaks more to your ego than your abilities, and that if you’re going to make such claims, you need to go out and prove you were right to make them in the first place.
Maybe it’s because I’m not where I want to be either, and on a Friday when the skies are ripping apart, when you can smell spring on the horizon, when life looks like it might start over, we all need someone to tell us to get out of bed and do something with our lives.
Go ahead and write the invitation to your birthday party:
Thus far I have accomplished none of the things I have wanted in life. Please, come celebrate as we put to bed my shame and self-disappointment and instead, begin to hold me accountable, for in this great 25th year, I am going to ambitiously pursue the following:
And then list everything you ever expected of yourself. Because the first thing you need to learn on the road to accomplishing your dreams is that you can’t be afraid to make a fool of yourself in the process.
2:32 pm • 28 February 2014 • 88 notes