Never settle for #1.
Start at the beginning.
This is a personal weblog. The opinions expressed here represent my own and not those of my employer. My opinions are subject to change. I reserve the right to argue with myself later on down the line when I've learned a lesson or two.
Anonymous asked: I just moved and now I'm miserable. Here I am sitting in a pretty apartment in an exciting city...questioning myself if I did the right thing. I miss my family already. What do i do?
Dude, you moved. Of course you miss your family. And blessed be that you do because that means you’ve got a good one… one you can fall back on if need be.
Get out of your apartment, get out of your pity party, and go challenge yourself. And you know what? It’s gonna be lonely. But you know what else it will be? Worth it.
Anonymous asked: This isn't a question- I'd just like to say thank you for everything. Reading your blog has made me realize it's okay to do things for myself, to not put up with people who don't respect me, to make mistakes and put myself out there. I'm in a happy relationship of six months and I don't think it would have happened without the advice and inspiration I found here. Keep doin' yo thang.
And with that, Office Hours are over!
Love you all dearly. Thank you for making my life more fulfilling every day.
fallingdeep asked: To the 20-yr-old who doesn't know how to make friends: I moved to a new town for grad school a couple years ago, and this is how I met the girl who is now my best friend. I was buying a bike, she worked at the bike shop, my age, seemed really cool, and as I was paying I said "Hey I'm new in town and don't know anyone. You seem really cool. Can we be friends?" It was embarrassing as hell, but we exchanged numbers and 2yrs later we hang out almost every day. Go for it!
Anonymous asked: I don't like my bf's best friend. He's a jerk who has actively and knowingly tried to break us up before (he invited my bf's ex on a "guy's night" knowing she'd just try to hook up with him all night). Every time they hang out my bf and I get into a fight for one reason or another. He's a bad influence and extremely immature but they've been friends since they were little kids. I would never ask my bf to stop being friends with him but how do I deal with it? I hate who he turns into around him.
What a punk.
But in all fairness, remember that you hate each other. So as annoying as it is that he doesn’t like you and threatens your relationships, remember that you don’t like him and you threaten his relationship with his bro.
This is a two-way street to shit.
The best thing you can do is just tell your boyfriend that it’s a bummer you don’t get along with his bestie, but you think it’ll be better if the two of you just stay out of each other’s way. If your boyfriend is worthwhile, no amount of ex-tossing is going to make him stray anyway. You just need to make it clear to him that you respect his friendship, but it’s really hard on you how much his best friend dislikes you.
He’s the dad - you and the best friend are the step kids. You can’t ask for him to pick - but you can ask him to separate weekends.
Anonymous asked: I love your blog and you seem like such a fantastic person! I have non-love related question... How do you deal with having a such a big wardrobe and moving around so much? I love clothes and tend to move to wherever the next job or adventure is calling, but I'm finding hauling everything to be such a pain! Do you get rid of everything and then slowly rebuild? Do keep favourites even if they're ridiculously impractical?
I donate a lot. And I’m usually just tossing things in the back of a U-Haul. Or a suitcase. And clothes come and go. And if someone was like, “we want to move you to New Zealand, but you can only bring one bag,” then I’d throw on my favorite jeans, tee, and boots, and put Larry in his carrier because at the end of the day, that’s all I really need.
Move with whatever you can, and donate whatever you can’t.
Anonymous asked: I recently tested positive for chlamydia and was naturally freaking out about it, but when I told my FWB (we're friends but very, very casual), he said nothing, literally nothing, and now I'm spending all my time worried about what he's thinking and what he thinks of me. What do I do?
Take your meds and pat yourself on the back for being a kick-ass, conscientious person.
Look, people will judge you and there’s nothing you can do but fight the good fight. You did the right thing. Now it’s his turn to do the same.
Anonymous asked: My live-in boyfriend of a year came home in January and said we were over. Since then, he moved in with his mom and continues to text and call and see me as often as he can. When I ask him why we can't be together, he says it's because he needs to be on his own for awhile before he settles down. I tell him I can't wait forever and I need to move on with my life. He doesn't seem to want me to move on. How do you cut someone out that you love so very much and know loves you but the timing is off?
Quit him using the nicotine patch of relationships: friends, exercise, and distance.
It’s a decision, plain and simple. And it’s a shitty one. You’re going to cry, you’re going to want to relapse, you’re going to want him back. But if you want to be treated the way you should, you need to climb out of hell first.
Anonymous asked: I'm having a lot of trouble breaking up with a ldr boyfriend that doesn't make me happy anymore. Every time we talk, I almost lose the incentive to break it off. I want to break up with him before he comes back home because then we'll be happy again, and there's physical temptation. I keep dwelling on the old memories. Help? :[ Do I just have to suck it up and do it?
Yes, you have to just suck it up and do it. Call him with a script. Be concise, succinct, and clear. And get off the phone as quickly as possible. This isn’t a negotiation - it’s the termination of a contract.
Take a shot of whiskey, write your letter, and get one of your best friends to sit next to you to hold your hand and slap the backing-down comments out of your mouth.
hitchcockismyhomeboy asked: After a rocky start I'm really happy with my boyfriend, however he's friends with many girls. Some of them have become good friends of mine already, or at least we're on our way there. Others I've never met, namely his exgirlfriend (who he's in regular contact with & who I believe is still in love with him) and other girl(s) he slept with until recently. I've voiced my concerns and he's been nothing but reassuring (&believably so) but perhaps you have further advice as to how to keep my cool? I
Ah, the other girls. Few things harder to deal with in a relationship. All you can do is repeat this:
Who does he go home with? Me.
Who is his girlfriend? I am.
Who could he have chosen and didn’t? All of them.
On repeat ‘til you believe it.