This is a personal weblog. The opinions expressed here represent my own and not those of my employer. My opinions are subject to change. I reserve the right to argue with myself later on down the line when I've learned a lesson or two.
caveinimicum013 said: Just wanted to let you know that I check your blog pretty much daily for any updates, and I'm always quietly cheering you on from my side of the world (the very exciting New Jersey). I hope everything with the book is going smoothly. Also, I don't know much about professional bicycling, but you, and your progression, and Rapha are pretty badass.
Thanks, love! Feeling especially badass today after riding away from a wreck.
But honestly, could have done without landing on my face.
Anonymous said: I've been with my boyfriend for over a year, which for me is huge. Today I walked into work and was told all these things about his past. When I texted him about it, he broke up with me. I don't know what to do with myself. My mind is racing. It feels like someone pulled the rug I was standing on out from underneath me and I'm left down all alone with no idea where to go. I know it happened before me, but how do you look at someone the same when you realize they weren't exactly who you thought
People are not obligated to live up to the image you project on them.
It’s so hard for me to answer this without getting angry, because someone once judged me for truths I never hid, and shamed me for being a person who made mistakes and learned from them. They made me feel like I should regret the experiences that made me who I am. Like I should apologize for my life. And I’m angry about it, because I did.
There’s so much you’re not saying in this question, and it’s hard to answer because of that. If he hid things from you that you had a right to know, I get it. But if some gossip told you things about him that you should have had an open conversation with him about, then I would suggest that you stop feeling this so entirely from your side and start to wonder how he feels.
You weren’t the only one who had the rug pulled out from under them that day.
Anonymous said: I think it's funny that we hold on to stupid thoughts like "oh, but he didn't want me because he was afraid" or "because he wasn't prepared" when it's all bullshit. When people really love you it doesnt matter how ready they are at the moment or how afraid they are, they just be with who they love no matter what or how. I feel very very stupid for always thinking about excuses to continue to be in love with him, I make the excuses for him and I know it all and I can't stop :( How can I stop?
I disagree, because I have been afraid, and I have been focused on my career, and I have been unprepared. But these aren’t excuses - they’re reasons.
I always wanted to believe that if you were The One to someone, nothing would stop them from being with you - but that’s just blatantly untrue, and a false cushion to rest a broken heart on. You can love someone to the sun and back and have it just not be the right time. But that’s not an excuse to keep loving them, it’s a reason to leave.
When we hold onto, “he wasn’t ready,” it isn’t stupid, it’s self-preservation. You need to take care of yourself. You don’t need to brutalize yourself by becoming some love martyr. All you need to do is change, “he wasn’t ready, so I’ll love him ‘til he is,” to “he wasn’t ready, so I’ll find someone who is.”
Sometimes the things that feel the most complicated are the simplest.
Anonymous said: Is there a way I can rid myself of insecurities regarding physical appearance for once and all ? In my case it mostly pertains to the fact that I wear glasses.
I was always most insecure about my legs. Cellulite, knees that look like ground beef, thighs plush together with my feet a foot apart - I think I went ten straight years without wearing short shorts. And no amount of “accept yourself!” worked for me. Like, yeah, I love myself, that’s not the problem. The problem is that my knees look like an old man’s neck.
I don’t think you rid yourself of insecurities. It’s like moving into a new place and there being a hook in the middle of the wall. You could remove the hook, plaster over the hole. You could hang something from it. You could add a bunch of hooks and hang ornaments from them and make it an art installation. You could line hooks up across the whole wall and string lights across. But if you just leave the solitary hook, your only option is to deal with it.
The only way I was able to move past the things I saw wrong with my legs was to give myself a reason to love them. I added hooks, added lights, added flare, and fell in love with my legs. I still see that weird rogue hook, but when I look at it now, all I see is strength. So get cool contacts, funky glasses, save up for Lasik, hairstyles that accent your face, cool eye makeup, fake lashes!, whatever.
Look, you’ve got crappy eyes. I’ve got crappy knees. We don’t get rid of them. We just add some sweet ‘til we can’t taste the bitter.
Anonymous said: Got invited to this party thrown by "A" but my close friend, "B" wasn't invited which is weird because "A" usually invites her to things. I kind of want to go but if I don't tell "B" about it and she finds out later that'd be wrong. Although "B" has been kinda distant and flaky lately with plans it still wouldn't be right because she is my close friend. How do I let her know/should I let her know?
Why don’t you ask “A” why she didn’t invite “B”? She might have forgotten. She might have already spoken to “B” about it and “B” couldn’t make it. And you’re also allowed to go to things your friends weren’t invited to.
Why don’t you ask “B” if she’s doing alright? Distant and flaky can often mean sad and lonely.
Get a coffee with both of them and take care to be thoughtful and kind. Parties are great, but friendships are better.
Anonymous said: Things I've learned this summer: don't let others set your pace, eventually you'll learn your lessons, sometimes the best nights end with you sleeping in your makeup, and for the love of god be kind to yourself.