Never settle for #1.
Start at the beginning.
datebynumbers@gmail.com.This is a personal weblog. The opinions expressed here represent my own and not those of my employer. My opinions are subject to change. I reserve the right to argue with myself later on down the line when I've learned a lesson or two.
Anonymous asked: do you have a tatoo on your left thigh? how many tattoos do you have?
I do. Got it just over a year ago. It’s a family crest of sorts.
I have two moderately sized tattoos that both mean the world to me and make me smile every time I see them.
I spend a good deal of my daily commute dreaming about being a spy, escaping from a remote hostage situation, or throwing the party of a lifetime. When my imagination is particularly active, all three. No one has ever said to me, “You need to stop pretending your life can be like that. Movies like Transformers and The Avengers aren’t real.” What an odd thing that would be to say to someone, to assume the things they daydream about are the things they expect out of real life. Which makes me wonder this: why do people tell us we’ve watched too many romantic comedies? That we need to stop looking for our Prince Charming? Or that we need to stop thinking our lives could be fairy tales? Some mornings, maybe when I’m putting on my eyeliner, or maybe when I button my blouse, I think, “today I could meet the love of my life.” Other times I think, “did I finish the peanut butter?” or “traffic should be good today.” Some thoughts make me more fastidious about the application of my lipstick, but they’re still just thoughts.
Women have not watched too many romantic comedies because that’s not an actual thing. We weren’t deluded through the 80’s and 90’s into believing there was a new kind of fairy tale. Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks did not hypnotize women into thinking that you could only meet the love of your life through gestures that in actuality would get you arrested. And the thing about love stories is that women aren’t the ones propagating them. In the history of fairy tale romances, do you know how many were written by men? Uhh… most of them. You know why? Because for the better part of forever, they were the only ones getting published. You want to complain about romantic comedies? Dig up Shakespeare.
If it seems that in the last decade, women have noticeably started to laze about dreamily wishing for their prince, it’s not because we think it’s realistic, it’s actually because for the first time, we don’t have to be realistic. We are finally, finally, starting to get to a place where women are not dependent on men, where they’re not daughters, sisters, and wives, but people. Having that autonomy enables us to want, rather than need. Consider Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs: women used to be dependent on men for money and thus all the things that money can buy. When such basic needs can only be filled by marriage, of course a full head of hair isn’t an issue. But now women can support themselves. They can raise children alone. They can build communities, companies, kingdoms, and on their hierarchy of needs, they can start to seek love, esteem, and self-actualization.
Do I dream about having an epic romance? Of course I do. But I also dream about my reaction plan in an apocalypse and what weapon I would use if someone were to break into my home. In the same way that not everyone who watches the walking dead becomes a doomsday prepper, not every girl who watches romcoms becomes a starry-eyed princess. But if we dream to prepare for reality, then I’ve certainly known more people who’ve had epic romances than zombie bites.
Do I really think that a man with a great body, adoring personality, loads of cash, and eyes only for me actually exists? No. But I don’t need to him exist, and that’s why I can hope he does.
Shoulder shake. I hope it’s sunny where you are, because this song is a match.
Write a list of all the actions that, in retrospect, were red flags in your relationships: ignored texts, only calling past 9 pm, treating you poorly in front of their friends, whatever it may have been. This brief list should act as a tangible reminder of times in your next relationship when you should speak out. It’s not when you should go into attack mode, but simply when to say, “Hey, that hurt my feelings.” It won’t make the next guy into a prince, but it will help you be more aware when he’s closer to the Prince of Darkness than Prince Charming.
What’s really important is to not let being treated poorly snowball. If you never reprimand a dog for shitting on the carpet, how’s he going to know he shouldn’t? The nice thing about people, as opposed to dogs, is that if a person repeatedly craps on the carpet of your soul despite your best efforts to tell them not to, you have full right to throw them out. Next time, do so.
”Anonymous asked: Do you answer questions privately?
Yes. If you have a Tumblr account, I can answer privately as long as you let me know you want me to.
I also answer emails at datebynumbers at gmail dot com, but it takes me a little while to answer. And by a little while, I mean about 7 business days. And I am never ever irritated by people sending a follow-up email.
(Source: Spotify)
Anonymous asked: I'm 24 years old, have a pretty sweet job and am almost student debt free. I do however feel like it's time for a change of scenery, what are your must haves to pick up and start fresh in a different place?
Boredom at beginning and either money or friends at the end.
