Anonymous said: Ever lived with a boyfriend? dos and don'ts?
Since I’ve never lived with a boyfriend, I called in Wife to give you the low-down on this. She’s been with her man for seven/eight years, and they’re getting married this fall! So, I’ll let her handle this one:
Claire: Hi friends, that’s not weird for me to call you, right?
So my fiancé and I are finishing up another move. And Kelton, my dear, asked for some words of advice for you. A few things first, living with a guy you love is great. But, MOVING in with the guy you love sucks, because moving sucks (side note about me, I hate change). [Editor’s Note: the ying and yang of best friends.] Here are a few things I’ve learned:
- He is going to have all kinds of stuff. Some of it will be helpful (neat table! great!). Some of it will be funny (why do you have 4 hammers?). Some of it will be inconvenient, but important to him (two complete Calvin and Hobbes collections). Some of if will be infuriating (a gross chair, his jackalope, his portrait of Bart Simpson that he painted in high school). It’s important to remember you have a few vetoes. Use them wisely. Men who like long term relationships also like to hold on to their things. Let that be okay, most of the time.
- Remember that he’s probably completely confused about the amount of beauty products and appliances you have that he’s never seen you use. It doesn’t mean you don’t need them.
- Choose your spaces that will be yours to keep as you will. A clean person will always win in an apartment, but you do have to let the messy one have a place that won’t be scrutinized. I get the top of my dresser and my closet. They’re a mess.
- Find something you like to do together in the new place, for us it’s been cooking. I love learning how to make new things with him. We read books and try recipes, or I adventure-bake us breakfast. Eating is great, eating delicious new food that you made with your boyfriend is the best. But maybe you like other things, like puzzles, hard drugs, or home decorating. Find something fun, and do it together.
- If you want them to do something, ask them if they will. If they say they will and they don’t, you get to be annoyed.
- If you get in a barking match that you don’t want to be in, don’t get passive aggressive, don’t put them down, do try to keep your cool, or you know, just cry.
- Give him constructive input on his clothes.
- Be honest about the TV shows you like to watch. Are you really so into Archer? The Walking Dead? You’ll find shows you both love, and commit to watching together.
- Be a good girlfriend. Know when he gets big news, or bad news, and know how to make him feel better. Do something small and thoughtful once a week. Make him a coffee before he wakes up, go get fresh squeezed tangerine juice.
- Don’t be a shitty roommate. Replace things, get groceries, tell them when you’re having friends over.
Mostly, living together is at the same time a great adventure and also a practical decision. You’re making investments in space, things, and lots of quality time. Try not get too serious about the to-do lists, or the house cleaning, or the bug paranoia (I’m really working on it…) and don’t forget to be young, silly, and romantic.
2:21 pm • 17 March 2014 • 54 notes
Anonymous said: Wait I thought you guys broke up?
Ha, we did not have a very good December.
But we’ve had a very nice January, February, March.
It’s kind of like this: we threw a bunch of ingredients into a pot, turned the heat up high, and completely forgot about it. Before we knew it, the pot was boiling over, the fire alarm was going off, smoke everywhere, dinner ruined. We yanked the pot off the stove and turned off the heat immediately. And what a bummer because man, that stew was gonna be good. But, after letting the pot cool for a bit, we tried the calamity we created and it was good. It wasn’t ruined, it just needed a little more attention, a slower burn, a tending hand.
We’ve just got a closer eye on the pot now, and lucky for us, the kitchen smells delicious.
6:53 pm • 16 March 2014 • 64 notes
Anonymous said: How did you meet him??
P and I have a modern love story, in that it involves the Internet.
When I was transferring with my company from Colorado to LA, my boss told me she had a guy she wanted to set me up with. I told her I wasn’t interested in meeting anyone because life had sort of whipped me around a little, and I just wanted to lay quietly on the beach for like, ever. But curiosity got the best of me and I looked at his Facebook page only to have his handsome face seared into my memory. There was no going back.
Time passes. And by time, I mean three weeks.
In beautiful California, in attempts to rally my soul, I joined Tinder.
Wow, Tinder. Guy never wearing a shirt. Swipe left. Guy posing with tiger. Swipe left. Guy who still gels his hair like it’s 2003. Swipe left. Guy whose caption is “BOOZE. BABES. BROS. BEACH.” Consider swiping right just for laughs, swipe left. And then P popped up. I recognized his profile picture immediately. I kept opening and closing the app until it brought up someone else because swiping left to reject him would have been a lie and swiping right just felt stupid because I could meet this person in real life. I went on Tinder the next day and P popped up again. Tinder clearly did not understand the purposeful inaction I had employed. I deleted the app, feeling like it was forcing my hand. Swipe nothing, Tinder! You can’t tell me who to date!
All Tindered out, I went back on OkCupid. A handsome fella showed up in my visitor log, and I clicked through to his page. It was P, and the internet was laughing at me. I was embarrassed for no reason at all. I giggled and shut my computer screen like a teenager. I resolved to tell my boss that fine, set me up, because the universe won’t let me stop wondering about him anyway. Might as well meet him.
But before I could approach her, I received a Facebook message.
"Hey! I figured I should just say hello rather than continue to feel awkward about running into you on dating apps when I think we both know who each other are. Either way, welcome to LA!! We should grab a friendly coffee or beer or something sometime. Hope it’s a good Monday!”
So, as much as my boss wanted to set us up, the Internet did it for her.
6:08 pm • 16 March 2014 • 86 notes
Anonymous said: Are you currently in a relationship?
YAH. He’s a babe. Babes McGee. Baberooni. (Hey babe.)
5:23 pm • 16 March 2014 • 14 notes
There’s this onslaught of casual disregard, like the ease at which we can access each other has made it that much easier to discard one another. We’ve divided our days into the smallest increments of attention, making every second we spend outside propagating our own self-worth a fucking waste and it’s pathetic. People show up months, years later feeling entitled to some modicum of your time, because a modicum is all they were willing to spend to garner it. Fuck that. Fuck them. Fuck anyone who thinks that your time, your feelings, your life is something they can disregard.
Regard it. Regard their cowardice. Regard your self-worth.
— Date By Numbers (via nomnomnamaste)
3:13 pm • 15 March 2014 • 96 notes
girls and bikes
Growing up, I was not an athlete. There were innumerable participation ribbons in my trash. I ran track for the bus rides to other schools where maybe there existed boys who actually wanted to kiss me. I never broke a 7-minute mile even as a teenager. As an adult, I’m lucky to break 10 minutes. I pass up company kick-ball games out of sheer embarrassment of my own athletic abilities. And then, something changed in July of 2012, and it happened when I bought a bike.
6:16 pm • 14 March 2014 • 123 notes
Anonymous said: Emergency! Have you ever just kissed a guy you've gone out with a few times and who hasn't made a move on it yet? Like Bold Moves, grabbed his face and laid one on him. I've got this situation that calls for a BM 'cause I need some answers, but I don't know that I'm smooth enough to just.... kiss him....
So I was hanging out with this guy, we’d gone bar-hopping together, went to an amusement park, hung and watched TV, and the fourth time we hung out, he took me to the Griffith Observatory to go night hiking and look at the stars, i.e. the most romantic date I’d ever been on. I sang Disney songs to him, he paid for what had to be the most expensive Uber ride ever, and then he tolerated like 60 minutes of listening to stand-up comedy on my phone because I didn’t have Internet or TV. In total, the whole date was like, six hours long.
And then he went home.
Needless to say, as soon as he walked out, I yelled to the Gods of Dating, “WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!” Because why didn’t he kiss me. Pals do not spend six hours together talking about life and looking at the stars! Arguably my move should have been to just kiss him, but when I was said, “wow, it’s late,” I did not expect him to LAUNCH from the couch to the door and wave to me before walking out. I didn’t even have a chance to stand up before he left.
But, flustered and flummoxed and completely infatuated, I texted him.
"Not trying to compromise our friendship, but just a little confused how you can take me star-gazing, night-hiking, Uber across the city, listen to that terrible stand-up, and still not kiss me."
That text wasn’t smooth. If anything, it was a little bitchy. Like this wonderful guy takes me on this perfect date and is presumably just taking his time getting to know me and I’m like, “I NEED TO KNOW WHY YOU DIDN’T MAKE OUT WITH ME BECAUSE I’M DEMANDING AND IMPATIENT.”
He replied, “I’m an idiot.”
And we’ve been dating for almost six months, minor hiccups aside.
The point of this story boils down to the fact that that first move doesn’t need to be smooth or perfect or his because if you guys like each other, it’ll smooth itself out like a sheet.
So kiss the guy, because the hold-up is that he probably doesn’t think he’s smooth either.
4:30 pm • 12 March 2014 • 79 notes
Doing a bit of life cleaning… what’s your rule for getting rid of clothes? Not having worn it in a year? Not being able to make an outfit out of it? I’m having some attachment issues to more than some of my clothes.
How do you do it?
8:15 pm • 10 March 2014 • 39 notes
Anonymous said: I am on Match, and I go on dates with a lot of very successful and smart guys...but I am not attracted to most of them. But they are so much fun and we have great conversations. How do I transition a date that I'm not attracted to to a friendship...without being an asshole? Is that even possible since I met them on a dating site?
You can’t predict how someone else will take a rejection, as some people are treating it as a “thing to try” and others will think you could be the one. Also, some of them might feel exactly like you do: that you’re cool, but not really a romantic prospect. Here’s what I used to do:
1. As soon as you know you’re not romantically interested, tell them. The longer you wait, the less likely a friendship becomes.
2. Most dudes, from what I have seen in life, are not really trying to rack up chick friends. You want ‘em around? Give ‘em a reason. Things like:
"Hey I had a good time last night, but I think you’d probably hit it off with one of my friends better. We’re hitting the bars tonight if you and your friends want to meet up with us."
The thing about that invite is that if he refuses because he liked you too much, he’s probably not gonna be your friend anyway. And if he refuses because he can’t stand rejection, probably not that cool of a human. Good people roll with the punches.
I’m not saying that always worked. But you know, worth a shot.
1:04 pm • 9 March 2014 • 27 notes