This is a personal weblog. The opinions expressed here represent my own and not those of my employer. My opinions are subject to change. I reserve the right to argue with myself later on down the line when I've learned a lesson or two.
Doing a bit of life cleaning… what’s your rule for getting rid of clothes? Not having worn it in a year? Not being able to make an outfit out of it? I’m having some attachment issues to more than some of my clothes.
How do you do it?
Anonymous asked: I am on Match, and I go on dates with a lot of very successful and smart guys...but I am not attracted to most of them. But they are so much fun and we have great conversations. How do I transition a date that I'm not attracted to to a friendship...without being an asshole? Is that even possible since I met them on a dating site?
You can’t predict how someone else will take a rejection, as some people are treating it as a “thing to try” and others will think you could be the one. Also, some of them might feel exactly like you do: that you’re cool, but not really a romantic prospect. Here’s what I used to do:
1. As soon as you know you’re not romantically interested, tell them. The longer you wait, the less likely a friendship becomes.
2. Most dudes, from what I have seen in life, are not really trying to rack up chick friends. You want ‘em around? Give ‘em a reason. Things like:
"Hey I had a good time last night, but I think you’d probably hit it off with one of my friends better. We’re hitting the bars tonight if you and your friends want to meet up with us."
The thing about that invite is that if he refuses because he liked you too much, he’s probably not gonna be your friend anyway. And if he refuses because he can’t stand rejection, probably not that cool of a human. Good people roll with the punches.
I’m not saying that always worked. But you know, worth a shot.
I encourage you to take a peek at the reviews. (Thanks, M.)
Haven’t done one of these in a minute. Also haven’t worn heels in like three weeks.
Fortune cookie tea. Instagram @ktonic should you find photos of cats, bikes, and sunsets amusing.
Anonymous asked: My girlfriend broke up with me almost a year ago and I'm barely back to feeling comfortable with even considering dating other people. Any advice for someone who's been out of the scene a while and is a little weary of opening up to others?
You don’t need advice, you just needed time. You’re about to go on an adventure; being wary just means you’re not an idiot. Characters without trepidation are often the ones who get killed.
Anonymous asked: I recently broke up with someone who I had thought was “the one” after realizing that we aren’t the right people for each other. It was an abrupt break-up but needed to happen sooner than later. What is your advice on moving on, especially knowing he wanted to stay together? How do you deal with not being with the person you spent the most time with and thought you’d be with for the long haul?
You know, I thought I’d live in New York forever. And little cinders of self-consciousness will flare up inside me, burning with doubt and shame, but they can’t start a fire when the ground is well-watered.
Just take care of yourself. Little things will flare up, but they can’t start a brushfire if your soul is nourished. You do with this just a day at a time, no resolutions, no demands, just one day, then the next, and then the next.
Breakups are like broken bones, they heal just fine if you have the patience to let them.
Anonymous asked: I have fallen hard and fast for a recovering drug addict. Things were going wonderfully, texting daily, sharing personal thoughts/feelings/stories, showing signs of serious progression. Then suddenly, nothing. We haven't spoken in 2 weeks. His life is a day-to-day battle and mine is pretty put together (for the most part) so I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but am I being naive? I know I can't fix him, but I want to provide support and walking away now doesn't feel supportive. Help.
And how is he supporting you?
You wanted to be his girlfriend, not his therapist. Be careful not to confuse the two.